It’s Elemental!

In her book, The Missing Element, psychologist and astrologer Debra Silverman explains that when our “elements” are out of balance, we struggle in various ways. She is referring to how human beings embody the classical elements of earth, water, air, and fire.

Seeing my own behavior and ways of being through this lens has been really enlightening. My tendency toward water and air means I’m easy to get along with but can also refrain from letting my preferences be known. It’s helpful to be in a group and go with the flow, but if I have weak boundaries I can feel taken advantage of. The key for me is striking a balance, and I can do this by strengthening my fire and earth energy.

In her book, Silverman describes the imbalance of elements using everyday language. “If you are learning Water, you keep bumping into depression, mood swings, addiction, or just plain sadness from your childhood... If you are learning Air, it’s hard to make decisions, stay in relationships, or decide what to be when you ‘grow up.’ If you are learning Earth, you’ll get stuck in your job and have money and security issues. And if you are learning Fire, drama will follow you around, and you can’t sit still even when it’s time to relax.” 

In astrology, we can ‘see’ in a person’s birth chart what elements are innately present, as each of the zodiacal signs is linked to an element. Understanding how the elements are characterized in people provides a very useful tool for appreciating and interacting with others. Through this lens, personality types can be framed through the wisdom of archetypes, or likely patterns in the human psyche.

We are all a blend of the various elements, although the intensity or scale of each is what colors our personalities. Your friend who is always fired up and talks loudly and isn’t afraid to share her opinion? She’s showing her fire. Your boss who is slow to change his ways because he is methodical and follows the data, and cares about the opinions of his personnel and how change will impact them… he’s embodying earth. Your mom who gets emotional and cries every time you’re leaving - she’s got some water in her profile. And your partner who won’t stop talking to strangers because they want to know what’s happening so they can pass it along - that’s the “high” of air.

Ideally we want to be a blend of all the elements, and when we are out of balance, it’s typically because we are unaware that we are either expressing too much of one  quality or omitting another. Being out of balance means you show up in a way that feels out of alignment and/or exhausted, or you notice that others are easily frustrated by your way of being. By getting curious and noticing behavioral patterns, you can begin to detect which elemental quality needs some balancing. 

In her book, The Missing Element, Debra Silverman explains how we can find self compassion for those parts of our psyche that we tend to judge the most harshly. When we notice how we embody the elements, we can begin to shift our behaviors to feel more ease in our daily lives. Also, this elemental lens helps us understand those around us who we regularly interact with, providing us with patience and grace to see they are not simply out to push our buttons - it’s just their (elemental) nature! I recommend Silverman’s book to anyone that likes reading about psychology and relationships.

Post-note: The following summaries are from my #3652calm series.

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How does Water look on you?

In astrology, each of the zodiacal signs is associated with one of the four classical elements - water, air, earth and fire. Understanding how the elements are characterized in people provides a very useful tool for appreciating those we interact with. 

“Air” people love to speak and communicate ideas; “earth” people find pleasure in creating with their own hands; and “fire” people are passionate energizers who bring life to the party. Today’s focus is on the WATER element.

“Water” people are the dreamy ones who seem to have music in their soul. They are sensitive, emotional and private. People who embody the element of water easily “go with the flow,” which can be a real asset when trying to ease a heated debate within a group. The low road of water manifests as the inability to make decisions, choose a side, or maintain boundaries - just picture spilled water going in all directions! 

People who were born under the signs of Pisces, Cancer and Scorpio are naturally in tune with water. These are your friends whose feelings run deep. They may be sentimental and become non-verbal when upset. They are intuitive and trust their gut instincts about people and situations.They are fascinated by the mystical and supernatural qualities of life. They are natural healers who tend to friends, animals and the earth. They are compassionate and have a great capacity to feel. They like their privacy and personal space. Often homebodies, they have the gift of making spaces feel cozy and welcoming. They listen deeply, and probably have just a few really close friends. Who in your friend group best represents water?

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Grounded Folks Among Us

People born under the earth signs of Capricorn, Taurus and Virgo tend toward down-to-earth energy. Being in their energy helps others feel safe and centered. “Earthy” folks often work with their hands; they are carpenters and craftspeople, beekeepers, bookkeepers, nurses. They care for others and for animals. They are hard workers who show up every day and save their money. They are dependable, deliberate and get things done. They are thinking ahead to be prepared for what’s next. They are pragmatic and stable, steady and wise.

The “low road” of earth are the workaholics who don’t know when to hit pause. There is a tendency to want to control everything and to hoard material things including wealth. People with an earth imbalance can’t stop doing and may be prone to judging others for not being more like them. 

Someone who lacks earth energy,There are plenty of ways to cultivate earth element. They include: being outside, connected to nature, toes in the grass (or sand!) and hands in the soil; eating cooked root vegetables from the garden; snuggling with a pet. Without realizing it, I have been intuitively supporting my earth energy by collecting stones and pinecones on a shelf where I regularly see and handle them.

Earth energy creates a feeling of safety and it can be found in the form of money, so make a little nest egg using physical cash or valuables as opposed to digital currency. It doesn’t have to be much, just something tangible. I have a friend who stashes gold and silver coins in a teapot, and another who invests in art that she displays on the walls of her home. The point is to have a little something to hold in your hands and reassure an active mind.

Minding your earth element can go a long way to make you feel supported. 

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Let me tell you a story… of AIR!

I admit it, sometimes I’m an airhead. I forget where I put my keys, I missed my friend’s birthday, I’m indecisive with a menu of options, and then I ruminate about all of it. When I’m in flow though, I embody the high road of AIR.

Cultivating some Earth energy will help counter an overabundance of air.  Earth is the element that helps us feel centered, stable, and grounded when we get lost in our thoughts, or when stress spins us around. At first glance, it may seem that Earth energy is all we really need to succeed, until we consider a life without Air.

Let me tell you about my level-headed friend who personifies Earth energy. He is a magnificent gardener, values animals, and I’m certain he could find his way out of the woods blindfolded. He’s often fixed in his ideas though, and when confronted with new perspectives and ways of doing things, he’s lost.

Because he is caring and compassionate, I felt invited to share details about a goal that is important to me. He patiently listened and then without reservation, gave all the reasons my ideas would never fly. He didn’t just let my balloon deflate slowly - he popped it! Initially, I felt the impact of his words and questioned myself. But then I remembered the importance of dreams (Air!): they give us something worth working toward. Without lofty vision, there is scarce excitement and challenge in the mundane.

Air helps us communicate ideas, cross boundaries and be flexible where others see a hard stop. Air people are natural mediators and futurists; they are curious, observant, imaginative, and willing to research. They value harmony and relationships, as in “teamwork makes the dream work.” At the personality level, air loves to talk, while soulful air loves to listen.

If you struggle with communication within a relationship, sometimes it’s helpful to look at how you embody the elements of Earth and Air and to see if an adjustment can be made in the way you relate to the other.

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Watch out - Fire Moves Fast

Today I bring FIRE to the forefront! To recap, we all embody the four elements of water, air, earth and fire to varying degrees. (Pixar even made a movie about this, aptly titled, Elemental) While it’s generally advantageous to have a balance of all the elements within your constitution, it’s common to tend toward one or two elements over the others.

Fire people are passionate. They are a bit on the loud side, and easily laugh from their belly. They’ll greet you with a bear hug and a good joke. They can be childlike in their wonder and in play; they’re enthusiastic and love sports. Their bold honesty can make you cringe or marvel but you’d probably prefer it not be directed at you. They are fiercely loyal and fight for the underdog, and will debate publicly when contested; their feistiness can come off as bossiness or indignation. They enjoy the limelight and seem to know everyone; they are first on the invitation list and know how to get the party started. They are endlessly optimistic and often philosophical. They’re not interested in waiting, and prefer to lead.

Are you or your friends born under the Aries, Leo, or Sagittarius sun? Do you recognize these fire qualities in yourself or others? If your fire is slowly smoldering, and you are slow to take off with your great ideas, go ahead and stoke the embers!

Having awareness of these elemental profiles has really helped me understand personalities through a new lens, and recognize how our gifts show up in unique and wonderful ways. Rather than wanting to turn down the volume on a Sagittarius friend, or wrestle with bitterness towards an Aries colleague who always has to have the last word, I can recognize these facets of their personalities with less judgment, and not feel so triggered by them.

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